i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
