The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
