Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love having hate sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
