Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
