I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
