He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
