And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
