she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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