Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
this hospital has no fireball
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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