please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just high enough for therapy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
