Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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