Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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