Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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