that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
