i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
