Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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