i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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