so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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