i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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