I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
