So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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