At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
