He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As shirtless as possible
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
