i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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