if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need water and some morals
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
