i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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