Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
