I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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