My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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