SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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