I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
