Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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