someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What drink are we having for lunch?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
