Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
