grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
