I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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