so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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