I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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