do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
