New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
