I cannot find my penis.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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