The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
