come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Boobs are out for the taking
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
