I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
