You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
