I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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