I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
