in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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