so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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