Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
