I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
