you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
