life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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