We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
