what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
