I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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